I'm lost

I am so lost right now. What is my purpose? Do I even matter? I seem to fail at everything. I stress my family out, I'm not working, I don't clean. All I seem to do is yell, scream, crochet and cry. I hate me so much right now. I hate what I am and what I've become. I use to be happy. I use to smile and mean it. I've been lying for so long that I don't even know how to be happy any more. I need to be on my meds, I need to eat better, I need to exercise, I need to loose like 150lbs. (no joke) but will all that make me happy? Or will I still be broken? Why do people put up w/me? I just seem to make everyone upset or disappointed.

why bother