Days?
Weeks?!
It seems like I'm having that kind of week(s). I've been so sad and, well depressed lately. I just feel like a failure in my life. Did I think just before my 27th birthday I would be an unemployed mother/wife? Hell to the No. I thought I would have a great job, more than 1 kid and live in a great house. I feel like a failure. I can't find shit in the job department. I have only had 1 interview and that was at Denny's and I didnt get it. HOW FUCKING LAME IS THAT. (Only reason I didn't was b/c of my vacation) But still. LAME! My bow business isn't doing shit, I have all these people tell me they would love to order and then never do. I had a CHEER couch in Cali tell me she would really like me to make her stuff for her girls. Gave her my card. Stupid ass me didn't get hers. I just feel lost. I feel like I've failed my husband and my kid. I don't clean. I barely cook. What purpose do I really serve? No one talks to me anymore. All my friends work or have busy lives and I just feel left in the dust. Why should they care? They have their lives and are doing great.
Why am I such a loser?
1 comments:
Oh, Ashlee. I'm so sad you feel this way. I'm horrible at the keeping in touch part. I feel like a bad friend. But I could beat you at losery-ness. I'm not even married, heck I'm not even dating. I'm as far away from having a kid as I was when I was 16. Or farther. I have an apartment that I can't afford, and my credit is so screwed that I'll never be able to get a house, ever. My car is basically a junk heap. A part time job that I'm dissatisfied with because I done so great there but nobody has any faith that I could do a good job if I were promoted. I don't clean or cook either. I try, but I'm not that great. I failed at school. I had 2 local friends, one moved to Maryland, and the other quit talking to me for no reason whatsoever. I just sit back and watch my sister do 100% at life and everything and everyone in it, and just breathe in and out. *sigh* SO many times I want to quit facebook and blogging and see if anyone ever even notices. Especially because I get no phone calls or texts on my lovely expensive phone, so I don't think anyone WOULD notice if I disappeared.
So... I don't think that really cheers you up, and I'm sorry. I can't really change anything in your life, I can just tell you that I care. You're an awesome person, and what society expects out of us doesn't determine your worth is as a person. You have a LOT of worth. I guess dump the baggage that keeps you from believing in yourself and go do something. I know you can, I've seen it. ;)
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